May 13th 2026
I put over 100 images into the gallery. Reporting back quickly on the incoming magazines and posters. Oh god. You gotta see to believe!
I had no idea what era the magazine would be, but it was 1997-98. Based on photos, it's published around June 1998. So before the main summer shows started. I had a copy of the cover image but never knew anything about it or the contents. I recognize that all of these images exist online but in low quality. We're getting massive upgrades!
I know seidbereit.ru scanned a few. Their version was resized to about 600px for what I found. I had no idea all these years what the source was to explain their scanned quality.
I have never ever seen this image online before scanned or passed around. Not even with a seidbereit.ru logo. What do you mean I am receiving an unseen 1997 pic?? This can't be right.
He always knows what pics I want to see, so this is all I have for now. However, there's gotta be great images of the others in here too. He said this magazine last sold for 170 Eur, so when he saw it for 50 Eur he went for it for me. Found another listing the other day and it was 210 Eur. My god it's terrible.
The parcel ships out Monday and has some other unknown goodies. So it will be very exciting to see what comes of it. Hopefully I get it by early June.
May 6th 2026
I vanished again for nearly a month. Well, I got some more magazine pages and goodies coming soon. When I get pics and an ETA on it, I'll report back. I'm so curious about what they'll be. In preparation for this, I finished a page organizing my magazine pages in-depth visually. I also added 42 photos to the gallery. I keep letting the pile build up and doing them in batches.I'll be honest, I have no interest in writing anything new right now. I have felt this way for months. On the contrary, I have been spending excessive time cleaning up the formatting of old pages. I have been learning the cursed words "semantic HTML" and "semantic root links"; ughhhhhh. I hate this btw. When they tell you to run a fansite (or any site really), they do not warn you about the time spent dwelling on improving old pages. I'm still having a lot of issues with the footer of my index since I wanted to change the color for the themes.
99% of this was so Googlebot can parse my HTML. A human can figure out my pages visually. Bots love my pages for having good sentences that are rare and human origin, but find my code itself unclear in how to label my words without guessing context. It knows my pages are good and keeps them in circulation for their uniqueness and rare information on a dead Internet. Yet doesn't know how to use it to the fullest. I have gone wild with semantic HTML lessons. Every page is being redone with it in a slow roll out.
Major changes (many now have semantic HTML structures):
✅ entire site: stylization of links, conversion to PHP, blockquote and interview snippet citations use a new format
✅ videos: stylization of data, the intro
✅ compilation: the intro, linking, updates format
✅ guitar list: back end code, slight styling of info
✅ writings: restructured link labels, list styling
✅ random archives series: restyled all data on them and cleaned up
✅ edited posts for style and clean up: beginning, gif history, old fansites
✅ LIFAD vs MiG post upgraded to be perfection (chef's kiss)
✅ half implementation of root relative paths
Stuff coming: miniblog redesign, special secret new design, other old pages being revamped for semantic HTML hell. I also had fun setting up XAMPP so I can render my site better. I believe I fixed all my htaccess 403 and redirect experiments and they're working properly as fully intended now.
It's really hard lately to get the time to do everything I want. I got busy IRL very heavily. Okay for now~ I'm not dead yet.
April 8th 2026
Housekeeping update~ hiii.I vanished to do real people things again. I did that in much of February too. I have been doing a lot of behind the scene site things lately. It was needed steps I avoided for a long time.
Tech updates:
1. Miniblog is being redesigned still.
2. The entire site has lost .html extensions. Which are now hidden.
3. I have painstakingly written, rewritten, and inadvertently debugged my Apache htaccess page 15 times. I am pretty sure it's finally functional.
Uhhh, so if anyone received a mistaken 403 ban lately and then bypassed it intuitively double checking; know you found a vulnerability in my htaccess. Thanks for debugging my code! Fixed it. It was a false positive. As you realized immediately, you were not insta-banned 🙃 I have discovered: capitalization in PHP matters unlike HTML. I'm so sorry. It is debugged now from being so brittle.
I finally think this (and some other hidden code) is functional and not broken. Haha... maybe.
Things that changed in the gallery:
- a Rosenrot interview is up.
- I will get some LIFAD pages up next...
- a Masonry grid system
Come view folders of eras/tours and feel like you're on bootleg Rammstein Pinterest 💕
Fandom page updates:
- an interview is coming soon
- the interviews page now as its own subfolder for organization
- I will start taking interviews out of archival purgatory and get those babies on a search engine with clean ups
- 1/4 through a sort of essay thing right now. unsure about when it'll be done.
Other updates:
- I played the tumblr snek game and my best was 183.
- I spent so much time reading books and articles lately. Anything from dinosaurs to Ruby Ridge. (Don't read about this unless you want to be enraged every three sentences.)
March 26th 2026
Oh my god, all I have done for weeks is fiddle with aesthetic CSS choices. Helppppp I'm obsessed. This page is being redesigned too but much slower priority.I ended up converting to one of those evil :root systems in the CSS file.
The ribbon is not white. I CSS filtered the thing from pink. Same with the mobile friendly gif. And my interviews page having the book? CSS filter. Not new images. So much better than having insane shit like book.gif, book-blue.gif, book-tan.gif, mobilefriendly-blue.gif, etc. Come on we are not cavemen. We have technology.
You can't even right click the ribbon gif to save it without a work around or extension. I implemented it into the CSS in this stupid way to make it centered like that with vertical-align and transform. It was either that, or some psycho things with a grid.
My site now uses three color palettes ✨ Then I discovered you can overlay fake colors on images in CSS and I lost my mind. I'm still having trouble changing the pink linked buttons since overlays like that distort white/text. I will figure it out in time.
I know you'd never believe it, but this entire layout and site was loosely conceived from repth's old template from 2022. Her CSS and my own no longer even match in the slightest. Yet you can feel the vibe from what I did and her's. Mine was converted to flexbox too. Right now, I am considering something other than solid color borders. I really like how simple it looks though. Please do not talk to me about the hell I went through for my index's footer displaying those images like that. Thank you.
March 21st 2026
My parcel arrived! But the real thing that took me, is... Ahti put in one of Paul's Christmas cards by surprise. And there's the Mutter postcard. I was really taken aback from the card. It's nigh impossible to find someone who separates the sets. I don't even know how he got it 🙏😭 I have it already but now I have two.
Of course I immediately scanned the poster...
Full version here! And another 30 pics added to the gallery. I'm still working deeply on tagging again. Many have been tagged now that it's near complete.
This is the patchwork solutions I came up with today for the new additions. I need a picture frame solution for the postcards. The reason I've ignored was because I did not have the full collection. I realized after checking with the boss, that I have them all except Auslander, and the extremely rare LAB and Mutter two. Oh no. It's time to frame them soon. I will likely never find the two rare ones any time soon. Getting my LAB blue and Amerika/Mein Teil ones were already years of hell. The LIFAD and Rosenrot ones are also annoying.
I realized I'm struggling with displaying my collection. That thing it sits on is actually my closet. There's shelving and a bar rack inside what this brown box is. I wanted to try a cube box shelving unit before. Yet none I found felt reasonable. I really hope I can find a solution soon... but I am unsure if I should do it. It's very likely I will move countries in the next two years or less. I want as little furniture to go with me so the investment isn't worth it.
I do not actually ever use direct lighting. When I'm in my own room, I use a lamp and two fairy lights: white and the purple-blue ones on the left. Most the time when I look at my own collection across from me, it's aesthetic like this instead. The stack under the 1997 photo is all my magazines and pages. And posters still folded.
March 17th 2026
Complete format renovation done to the interviews page. It finally looks more like what my imagination wanted. More pages and stuff coming soon. I added some minor stuff to the videos page too.New index and CSS is up. If anything is broken, clear out the cache and hard refresh. It's not huge, but it's a lot of nuanced code that changed. If you saw the before/after of my CSS file; you'd know lol. I gained a whole 2kb. Also, the mobile version got a substantial upgrade with spacing and margins. This miniblog is next for the revamp. I will try to learn to use more decor, but I have a hard time with website "clutter". I don't want to think about sidebar, divs, li/ul, margin, padding, centering, and em for a solid three weeks after this.
I officially have my own red collection box!!! 😇
It's in rather good shape for the age. I'm happy. The poster needs to be flattened again a little from shifting inside the box over the years. Otherwise, a small dent to the right corner. That's it. I'm beyond pleased! I always wanted to wait until the right moment 💕💕
I have been reading fandom essays again from the past on Fanlore. The most important essay is this one about BNFs and women with power in a fandom. And this about transformative, curatorial, and affirmational fans remains forever relevant. Though, this essay conflates curatory and affirmation as one. I fall under curatory. Modern fandom analysis, tends to separate into three or four categories now. Not these two alone.
Mini rant about tumblr (not about the new post update)
Oh and I decided tumblr is basically worthless for this fandom. Don't bother with that place. I have never seen a more hostile and angry social media for this fandom in a while. It's like walking into hell with 1000 unspoken rules and incomprehensible petty drama that a detective can't solve. It's a bunch of insecure elitist women who use tumblr as a replacement for therapy via blue attention numbers. Paul fans are close to oppressed there. If you don't ship, there's barely anything worth your time anyway. I suggest my friend Ewa's gifs if you like him. She makes gifs that you cannot find elsewhere. Very unique stuff and the best. Her tagging system is fun too. I recommend this quirky tag.
So bizarre really. I've never had anyone react so negatively to my fansite before lol. I was treated like trash within 13 days of being there. Lied about to others and subjected to fake anon hysteria. It was all so manipulative and insane to watch. Why, you ask? Jealousy of an insecure woman who can't control her rage at other Paul fans existing, who is propped up by a group of sycophants in their own fandom delusions. They come across so spiteful and miserable, really. Hardly anyone on that website has a healthy relationship with R+ fanfiction. Most involved have no healthy relationship with Richard either. It's crazy to learn about the politics of R+ fandom warfare on tumblr.com. Literally 2012 era teenage shit from middle aged women, some who have kids. I sincerely believe most fans there aren't worth associating with or bothering to put in any effort to post there. Waste of time better spent somewhere else.
I'm not shocked the tumblr R+ fandom is on life support and hardly anyone goes there anymore. The people I encountered were vile for their malice to the most inoffensive things, and outright hostile to strangers they know nothing about. Incapable of any adult concepts. Lies to your face in DMs and uses them to manipulate others. Immediate anger and shunning based on drama I knew nothing about until February. My only prior explanation was vague and I decided it was none of my business to care further. So much so, to this day I am still confused about usernames or why. I ended up blocking usernames based on guessing, but some circumvent blocks and visit me everyday anyway. Literally, obsessed with my tumblr everyday since I got there. I was largely offline in February and they still kept track of me. Seemingly not understanding my blog was ran via the queue. They were super creepy about my IG page too. They also checked every like/reblog I got and from whom. If they spotted anyone they didn't approve of, they'd message or contact them to cease engagement with me via lies/gossip. Everything about these users there is uncomfortable to be around yet they don't know how they come across to an utter stranger.
It's very unpleasant to post there and you can feel the social tension and fear to post/speak between everyone through a screen. There's users who want to say something or hate all this, but are too afraid of the clique weirdos. They play along socially to appease them. Very few people actually seem to like these weirdos that aren't themselves. It's nothing but appeasing them to avoid conflict. Nobody wants to be their new target. Not even me. It's why I just gave up. I have better things to be doing. Unlike them, my website is relevant to who wants Paul information via search engines. I get lots of traffic that way. I was shocked by how much due to the loss of fansites in general and forums in Google's priority. My old archives series and the interviews page gets crazy results.
You go on popular IG accounts for him, and it's the nicest place on the Internet with the sweetest comment sections. People on tumblr are scared to type about Paul or make posts, or end up hated on like me. I know some of his fans deliberately left over people like this being there. I've never truly seen anything like it. They push people away like me and have me discouraging users to join. Then they wonder why the fandom shrinks there every month. Then they wonder why half the notes to their posts are just their friends and a few others. They literally get mad at you there for citing interviews from his own words. They hate new gif makers taking their "attention" because they're too lazy to find their own concert videos to make gifs from. And don't want others translating stuff that isn't themselves. They hated me for my trivia posts. The Paul ""fan"" on that site crashed out over my guitar list and Feeling B post making her jealous over me; I shit you not. Or saying something as simple as, "I respect that view and our spectrum of fan differences, here's mine to consider" has them having a Whatsapp therapy session.
Truly, just avoid the place. I heard there were issues on Twitter in 2024 but I didn't realize it was like this. Sheesh.
I had fun while it lasted (aka 1.5 months). I made it approximately to 1.3k notes on my whole blog before I gave up.
People liked me, sure. But they also don't want social wrath from a bunch of weirdos on themselves or be targeted next. So they have to pretend to not see/enjoy my posts. The stuff I saw in my activity feed of posts where I'm not the OP, analytics, and follows of myself/others paints another story though. Silence / non-interact doesn't equate to agreeance. It merely means these clique people scare others into hiding. They don't seem to understand this part and think silence/compliance, means they "win". No, it means they're so unbearably insufferable, people do what they can to avoid wrath in order to keep social peace. Nobody wants their hate and grief on them. They have seen how they swarm and mob others on the dash, passive aggressive reblog posts in a pack, and write whiny hate posts where they namedrop or vague at you. Most of us are 30-50 years old, and we don't want to deal with it. Thus, silence and politely pretending.
Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled mundane Paul posts from me. Currently begging myself to edit the page about his wardrobe.
Please view my lil nugget of joyous wonder, thank you.
March 6th 2026
Still adding into the gallery this weekend. I started going back to the neglected tagging system. I worked out the most efficient way which is using a touch screen device for me. It's still boring. I dread the tagging system like a chore. I tagged maybe 200 and gave up again.
He was found with Uwe Hagar in an article. It was lovely to see this. The last time I know a public interaction was late 2019 with the lovely Burberry check sweater shirt. He's wearing his Omega Seamaster watch...
March 3rd 2026
I am liberated!! I have a desktop again. My tablet is freaking amazing but there's really certain tasks and workflow best for desktops only. I updated the gallery with 155 photos. Some are upgrades of existing ones. There's a tad more on the way when I'm not sleepy. Gallery sorting always makes me tired after an hour. It feels so good to be back at that.A new photo as well which finally put me at rest from my weekly, "someone please find him" whining.
Also, I'm very behind right now with all online tasks.
February 19th 2026
I've been busy. My bad. Sorry for the neglect here!! My poster and Christmas card arrived. He also sent me the 2025 metal plate card unexpected as a gift 🥰
Please look at his smiley face on the back! Thank you.
Additionally, Ahti found me another five posters. Coming in good with a unique Amerika one and we got that sweet Popcorn 1997. Awwww yeah.
Ewa came in contributing her compilation of my "will you please gif this man peacocking around, hello" request you can find in my last essay. Bless her on this lawless website. You know when weird men like to watch women's figure skating and gymnastics for totally real and ethical reasons? THIS is my equivalent. You will never pry this from me. The hell is he doing? The fuck if I know. Just sit back and watch.
I wear this as a badge of honor, by the way.
Also, my laptop charger is dead. No clue why. The actual power supply part suddenly failed. So I have been locked to my tablet + Bluetooth keyboard for a week now. I can do a lot of things still but I cannot get a new cable until March. It messed up my workflow though and limits my capacity to edit images. Or update my gallery. (Cannot scramble filenames.) I cannot scan stuff either. So yeah, a bit bored! It sucks too because I was in the middle of design revamping this website lol.
January 23rd 2026
I canceled my biography page. I need to rework and entirely redo it. I don't like it anymore. Yet I'm not sure what is wrong. I need time to sort it out in my head. My own perfectionism strikes again. I will post mini snippet ideas out of it onto tumblr with #Paul Facts Friday.I have scanned about half the pages of magazines to the gallery so far. It's so tedious.
Speaking of tumblr, things are definitely going well. Better than you'd guess.
Big changes on the horizon. Definitely up to something.
January 14th 2026
Magazines and pages are hereeeeeee yesterday!!! 😊I don't know how to even parse all of this. It'll take me weeks. It's the most insane packet of stuff yet. It appears to be several different owners. One woman who was very organized and wrote magazines + dates on edges for magazines that did not date their pages properly. Plus like at least two other people's private stashes tossed in. A lot of LIFAD-MiG era for once. Some of these interviews look familiar, others look totally unknown to me. I see words from Richard, Till, Flake, and Paul.
There's an interview of Paul from LIFAD in Piranha I've never seen omg. The rare 1997 image is from 1998.02 Metal Hammer. The "blue Pauls" are from 1997.03 Rock Hard. Some of the booklets are special reprints Zillo did of past R+ interviews until 2009 and booklet they did promoting MiG. And the other being a huge Metal Hammer spread about RR. This has a special Emu and Hellner interview too which is cool. I also have another Hellner interview from 2017 but it's in French if anyone wants to contact me for it. Idk French. I have a whole collection of various French Rock Hard interviews from the band.
There is SO MUCH here it's actually insane to sort through. It will seriously take me a week or more to deal with 😩
I have scanned the most supreme stuff immediately though. He is not a model. He is 100% casual and not trying to be a sexy fucker. Nope. He just does that. Naturally in that position. Do you not read like this every day?
I made this a custom edit (color fixes) and crop. But the real version is here.
In 2001, Paul personally has apologized for doing shitty Bravo pic ideas. He is thinking of this, I swear to you that's it. And how he'll never do something that shit again. I just knew instinctively what he was apologizing for. I'm a woman and I know what sin he needs to repent for. That one.
I barely made a dent into scanning other pages but the 1997 image is in high resolution non-blurry now 💕
Ewa has been the sweetest ever and now I have a custom blue Paul folder 💙
I told her how much I like him in Halleluja, Engel, etc and even the b-stage Ohne dich was like that. But in recent years, there isn't really much blue. So she took care of it with custom ones. Only Du hast has a white-blue hue it seems anymore.
I also got Ahti to find the MHB Christmas card and a 2001 monk cut poster.
An update about the pick, I couldn't get it!! But, we were able to get more information on it to explain why it's impossible and in low circulation. It was a very limited amount of picks made for Paul by Alex Becker as a gift in 2001. That is why the sellers and availability is like this. And why hardly anyone knows much about it when you ask... let it be known now through me. Knowledge!
I think about Paul comforting the sweet Romanian woman during Rosenrot filming lately whenever I was hurt.
Humming something cheerful, he signs on the cover of my DVD, and draws me a smiling face, very funny. As thanks, I throw myself at his neck, kiss him on the cheeks and hold each other tightly. I'm happy...
C: Thank you, Paul. For EVERYTHING. You're...
Paul, approve, help me through gestures and mimicry: "I know... and I will... everything is ok. Only good."
Everything is going to be okay. Only good 🐇💕
January 4th 2026
Happy new year's~ 🎉My parcel of magazines was mailed. Estonian post is always so fast but the US is slow. He used the premium shipping which is faster at least. Last time that took ~8 days. So let me hope for the same. Right now, it made it to the Estonian airport. I check my email to confirm my payment for him and he tells me; "hey I can't promise this 100% yet but I'm trying really hard to get this Paul pick for you from 2001."
Me, barely awake: whAT ?? ? huH?
I click the photo and then he found it!?!?
I turned into the Shiny Ponyta Kid again. He knows, and I know, all the collectors are after this one. I'm not even competing with fangirls. No. No. It's guys with their 50 pick collections who are fighting tooth and nail for this as we speak. If there's anything I know is, finding Paul picks is like diving to the bottom of the ocean to get one. Especially stage used. Sometimes you have to make the right connections with the right guy. He really knows his R+ sellers and collectors. And how to haggle with them. It's incredible.
I put my faith in this man he'll get this thing! Hoping. Good thoughts only! Prayers we manifest 2010 Gibson card from Frankfurt Musikmesse next 🙏
I've been playing a Pokemon Emerald romhack and I like it a lot. I made it to Lilycove and derailed myself with contests. I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos lately to pass time in the background. My fave lately is "art at midnight". She makes really good videos about films and music. I've also aided my study by watching films with DE subs turned on if I can find it.
There is also us having late night (afternoon to me) discussions of Paul with Ewa. It's very fun when we get the time. Or lots of jokes. 😅
I wanted to learn how to make a custom tumblr theme. I could do it in the past with some basic tutorials. So I looked at the modern practices and structure of the CSS used today compared to 2012. My response was this. Shhh tumblr, no don't do this to me.
I'm doing really well on tumblr. Which surprised me. I wasn't sure the activity of the community or what goes on specifically. I only ever browsed casually every some weeks. Thank you very much 💝 I'll continue to curate posts I personally enjoy.
Stuff I did this year:
- anxiety med so far works after adjustment
- the program I was put into is very similar to this
- improved my living space a lot with decor and downsizing
- made a contact in Europe to get merch easier (blessing)
- started the planning of my European trip
- overhauled my website design and contents
- learned more about domains and how to use some features
- made a sweet friend who has been wonderful
- joined tumblr (again) to post gifs (my calling)
- tried to learn mobile design (very difficult to me)
- studying DE a lot harder every day (1 hour)
- I started dating someone intermittently so far (every other week)
I hope others accomplished things this year for themselves. It's never too late to start improving.
December 23rd 2025
I spent yesterday and the afternoon trying to make a mobile responsive sidebar. I have been reading tutorials for hours. They're so vague that I ended up looking at code examples and messing with it until it did what was wanted. What hell! I don't have a device to test on small enough, so I used dev console shrinking to look at it. If you don't like the vertical stack, hit your browser's desktop mode. I'm still scared it'll do something silly for real phones 🙃 I think it works now anyway.I learn as I go with web making like this. If I don't need to do it, I don't learn. Just a year ago, I thought a PHP gallery was impossible but here I am many lessons later. I have tried footnote Javascript too. Something I never thought I'd do either. I finally have the citations working properly for the first time today. Oh my god I left out one line of needed code to do it. The skills I am being put through for this man...
December 20th 2025
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Look, just look at the image Ahti sent me with information about the magazines and pages he located. He's spent a month doing this apparently in secret. And then emailed me this today telling me Merry Christmas.
I sent him detailed information in jpg format compilation the magazine details of what I search for. He managed to find lots of stuff. Look at this crazy stack! He said it's 2.6kg!! He didn't even take photos of everything in it. He sent me 22 pics and it doesn't cover it all. He told me some of it should be a fun surprise for later like a real present.
The predicted shipment date of my parcel is early January, after the holidays. I should receive 2-3 weeks after that. I am not sure I can contain my excitement until then but I'll try to hold it in.
We've been doing process of elimination of Break out magazines trying to track down specific photos from them. So far I have found one 1998 interview I wanted really badly. Now we found the blue photos from an unknown source. Another one off the list! Behold, we got what appears to be an interview with him about Sehnsucht coming soon. Maybe this was before the delay...
He found a few Bravo. And my beloved 1997 Paul modeling splayed on a trunk. Bless 💞
He also found the sneaky black and white image down here that has never been rescanned afaik. It's a low quality photo right here. I am going to be restoring this image to something beautiful. Preservation of history, if you will.
That image above is the biggest file out there... yeah it's bad. I'd pay 50 Euro alone for that damn photo.
There's also my request to him for tracking down Rosenrot images in print. One of them is a Zillo interview that has been translated already. I was able to match the sentences on it. (The TL needs some work though. So having a copy will allow me to see the raw text.)
He found the hard to get RR photo. I'm beyond excited for it.
And of course, rounding it up is a bunch of wonderful LIFAD photos to the collection.
A lot to look forward to next year!
December 18th 2025
I took a shot in the dark sending this whimsical message to someone. I wanted to tell her she's great and I always liked her posts. That was all. Best choice ever and I'm so happy. Oh this is where it's at. Finally. I felt like we could immediately communicate ideas on the same level. Instantly! It was like hearing my own words or finding my lost sister twin. There was no struggle. Only kinship and mutual understanding.Sometimes, you have to put yourself out there. Go for it. I had this path altered by re-uploading a Hungarian interview video that people forgot existed. All because I was curious about citations regarding the missing Los/Amour singles.
