2025 Mini Blog Archive
Hey, it has been forever. Please enjoy my long update and emojis 🌟
Fandom news:
👀👀👀 - The fandom at large doesn't know what's coming by lack of anyone mentioning it, but "Pinkpop Festival saves Rammstein Part 2" is going to drop on Christmas. 1997 wasn't enough. They're saving 2016 too. (2002 and 2010 were not filmed as per Pinkpop's own management confirming.)
This is going to be monumental because it's Zerstören's first filmed release. Plus one of the only records of Seemann and Stripped's new lighting conditions. And we get one more take of Halleluja. This is also the last CO2 cannon version of Keine Lust. I'm hyped over Reise, Reise too. I like the unique tracks best. The classics get old. This is a good show and time period. Lots of energy and give-a-damn performances from all.
💖 - I was watching obscure interviews for my fangirl biography page for interesting stuff I may have missed. And I found the bit that had me yell at my screen and go "nooooo omg." Please see August 2004 black nail polish man deliver the message.
(I edited this video's midtones because the VHS rip was bad.)
"On a human level, when I'm among the Westerners, I feel closer to Romanians than when I'm in West Germany."
His point is true about East German statuses and I know what he means in feeling. But... please, why do you phrase it like this. It will likely take another generation or two to actually erase or decrease the mental impact that East and West still "exists" to many.
One time in this 2005 interview right around this same time, for an overtly political slanted music magazine, he was very heated with an interviewer. Who kept calling him/the band right-wing by insinuations of actual confirmation bias via anecdotes that reveals their own mental biases. And then made one of the rudest anti-East comments to him by twisting his own words for snark. I lost my mind reading it. Paul then replied with a solid massive paragraph response trying to not be mad when all his other answers until that moment were short 2-4 sentences maybe. Tested his patience a bit, I think. It was quite obvious to me as a dull outsider that the interviewer flat out hates Easterners for preconceived ideas and stereotypes.
🤭 - This is totally stupid but, I have given up Rammstein on Spotify. I've gone back to autistic FLAC rips. I know Spotify offered recently upgrades to lossless. It doesn't matter. I tried it already. They have this audio flattening where they mix songs differently and cap the volume. I tried to live with it and in most cases it's fine for casual listening. But sometimes it negatively impacts R+ songs. One that comes to my mind is Mann gegen Mann. Which benefits from this Spotify-flattening effect being removed by a pretty massive listening difference. Basically anything on RR and Rosenrot are impacted by it tbh. LIFAD too if I really had to say. Herzeleid is loud as hell that not even Spotify dampens it.
Don't tell the band but, I use a custom Rosenrot track list. This is the kino version, actually. Recommended to everyone. Have I listened to Rosenrot for 3 hours mindlessly because it's so good? You bet. I do not understand the track list of this album and I swear if you do this, it gets better.
(My player is "Black Player EX" which is absolutely amazing for the solid decade I've had it. I don't ever encounter the problems anyone describes. I don't get it.)
✨ - Found another difficult to find interview via searches and uploaded it to YT myself. This time it's Czech origin.
Also, he talks in this interview that he did not like the Mutter album. But his actual mother liked it. Which he took as a bad sign. Parents aren't supposed to like metal albums and find it cool/good, he said. I am in hysterics lmfao. I have never heard him say that through the entirety of Mutter era. (Odd to me. He has critiqued Sehnsucht songs during real-time of the 90s.) It was good to say in 2005 far removed, huh. He said his three year old daughter likes Reise Reise too. And that the Keine Lust video was based loosely on Austin Powers Goldmember from 2002 at Schneider's idea. (Dubbed interviews are hell by the way.)
Things I'm doing next:
✍ - The progress of my big fangirl biography page part one is halted. I have been completely walled by the Feeling B section, if I am honest. I'm running into fact verification problems. I had to hunker down in DE sources to solve what has happened to cause discrepancies. I'm still buried in that dilemma.
Updates of site matters:
✂ - This blog has been trimmed to a separate 2025 page now found in the sidebar. I kept some recent entries as cross over.
🐇 - I cleaned up the code and added new videos to the dedicated page. I can't plug my external hard drive in right now to get any videos. Somebunny chewed through the power supply wire. (In her mind, I have been protected from the bad snake. It's dead now because it has been cut in half. We're safe.)
✅ - I cleaned up my gallery to function a little smoother. Tightened up folders. I also went on a tagging spree for people in photos. (Still behind.) I redirected the about page's PHP and added in a guide for how to download bulk folders via .zip file. Tested that out and made sure I got it working. Seems so.
🌺 - Added some new scans in the magazines again. Including an unknown 2001 EMAs photo. Also the new section: booklets. (To be improved with more.)
I KNEW MY MOMENT WAS COMING.
I knew itttttt. I knew! I didn't know it'd be this good, but I knew I should have hope for it. Paul's video makes everyone else's boring by comparison oh my lord 😂 I went through this one frame by frame. It's good.
References to past outfits:
- His boots are from LIFAD.
- His belts are from LIFAD-MiG and 2016–2017.
- They gave him a replica armband trying to bring back LIFAD's.
- The two colored cloth on his neck is akin to LIFAD-MiG, but with an added chain.
My question is... why wasn't this video used for... the LIFAD-MiG promo video? It feels so odd to have that many references.
Everyone is convinced the end of these promo videos is a bigger announcement. Because they are promoting a box set for two months now that has been sold out since the first release day. Why a huge promotion for something that nobody can buy? With such limited quantity to a large fanbase that would surely sell out within days? Huh? It'd be so different if it was still for sale or something MTO. I am trying not to get any hopes up about anything coming from this. But to get the band to participate in this... well.
I have a partial write up about the 4K videos on the way. Needs more time and gathering thoughts. What I will say:
- You can finally see better how the Richard double actor in Mein Teil isn't him now that you have non-blurry frames.
- Mann gegen Mann in 4K shows two different takes of the band playing, with visible splices between them.
- DRSG 1995 is not held on film. It looks more like high end production tape, maybe Betacam adjacent.
Everyday is "advanced multi reference footnote" Javascript/HTML purgatory lol. I feel like the yelling cat meme. "Why does it not DO??" When it doesn't sequential number the right way but it still kinda works... it's not what you want but it's what you get. It's very close to doing what it should do!! Just a little awkward because I have zero JS skills and I'm looking at tutorials and pasting into a search bar when it breaks. Because I was like 200 citations deep in the old code when I realized I am citing the same thing numerous times and it's making my scroll bar insane. Oops. I didn't think I'd need to do that when I first scripted it. Then I started adding them in and realized: oh... it repeats a lot.
Magazine haul is in! Spent the evening going through it and scanning like crazy.
The magazine folder is filled but the real thing is the interview folder is getting filled out with lots of unknown ones totally unread in 25 years. Another thing I started finding was graphic design print advertisements for singles or albums or tours. I like them and scanned them too.
It may not look like much but all of these old ones have been upgraded substantially in quality and display resolution size. Many of these are 900/1000px now. A couple at 1200px. Some at 700px which is far better than their previous states at 400-600px. You must view them in the gallery link to display them properly.
My stuff from September is finally all here. Bless. I should have the magazine stack by Friday!
I scanned in five new pages into the magazine folder. As usual. This is a very desirable image to many girls. But the best out there is around 2000 pixels for all six men and has signal noise lines running through it from a low tier scanner. I did it justice. Trust me.
May I offer you: cropped, edited, and 2600 pixels instead for one, miss?
I have the full signed set of 1997 cards now. This set is in very very good shape and has no yellowing to the paper. I guess it was stored much differently than the other ones. Based on the imprints of the wet silver marker on that day in August, I was able to recreate the line-up from right to left. Schneider started the line. Till ended it. Schnei's has Richard's imprinted. Flake's has Paul's on the back. Paul's has Olli but Olli's has none... Till has none. Some were placed reversed down in some way that prevented bleeds, probably would explain Olli's. It prevented ink imprints. I can't figure out between Paul and Flake who was next to Olli due to this. They may need to be reversed. This line-up is incredibly the way they stood at Berlin. You can see lots of the stacks of photocards still used and being signed. So it suggests it's from that time of later in the month. If I have a Berlin set, that's so amazing but I'm unsure. It's very close though. As Köln was Till and Flake together. Which is shown in my last set, where Till's has a Flake signature bleed on the back. I'm still quite convinced my last set was Köln for that reason and the unique gold markers.
The pattern of the teaser videos on the R+ socmed is every ~1-1.5 weeks. They managed to get Olli and Flake to participate of all hermits. My odds for a Paul video is high. Come on come on come on. Come on. Also, the recent trend of putting 4K on YouTube has me shook that there's a chance they might redo a music video collection on Blu-ray. Please!! While you're there, re-scan LAB and Völkerball... I have been looking at the parameters of the 4K redo and how they look visually. These are indeed, rescans of the films. I see... grain where it should be. Gorgeous. This is how we should have been treated years ago. I see minor film damages on some frames (white spots that come and go) but it's okay for a video this old as there's really not many.
I added new images to the sidebar rotation. I did that back in August too. Where I switched three out, and added eight new ones. This time I added five new ones. I realized I have a pattern of the sidebar folder. I randomly mentioned in this post that I love his side profile and him slightly tilted on an angle. I checked my sidebars and laughed. 17 slightly adjacent. 10 side profile. I'm not sorry.
I started digging into this screenshot's origin. I found one recollection in Russian which is a translation of a now missing Polish text by a production company. However it finally gave me the hint I wanted between "Barton Films" and "Jarocin 1987". Ah yes, I get it now what this is for. So I typed Barton Films and Jarocin documentary into a search engine, found for purchase. Bought it and now is properly archived. I think the fandom forgot about this. I took care of it. Also, I watched the documentary through and it was definitely fascinating.
Okay so in late September, I met someone by chance. We exchanged numbers and started talking. And we went on two dates so far. This time we went to this local restaurant yesterday. I got grilled chicken, a side salad, with a veggie mix. I liked my time! When we left, we stopped at the boutique there. I found the most perfect pajama set of all time. Look at this. It's so #me and the price was absurdly reasonable! There's ribbons on the sleeves omg.
I wore it to sleep already and I love it. Fits great. Though, I realized it's probably meant for tweens or teens perhaps. There's no way the shirt would properly fit a taller woman than my very short height. Your stomach would show lol. It appears to be handmade from a print, as there's no tags inside anywhere. I also wanted this dress so badly. I'm tempted to go back someday for it... really.
Oh one of my parcels arrived! The other one, not yet. Ahti gifted me some stickers which was really nice.
Look at himmmmmm in these big folded 1997s. They're so high res now!!! I got man to 4000 pixels 🥰
You can find them in full size and some others here in the magazine scan folder. Those three 97 Bravo posters were obviously owned by a woman. She wrote the dates of the magazine issues on the edges. The New York one has very minor tape where she hung it. I love knowing this passed through a woman's hands like that.
Finally, Till is returning to form back to Rammstein's truest roots. Is this not the old days and retro you wanted?
(I'm taking the piss right now swinging at two hornets nests. Till complainers and old fart fans.)
In good news? I've been up to stuff with Ahti with magazines and posters. But US has all the customs problems now causing mail delays in general. Technically these are paper and don't need to be given any fee, but the mail is still totally behind anyway. I have two parcels in the mail since September over this. So my scanning slowed down.
Upcoming posters:
He did extra work to get me magazines and helped me understand the contents inside them to do process of elimination of the one with the photo I want so bad. Russia forum guy was incorrect about the June 98 one's pages. (Sigh.) None of these ones with the covers here have that. Like I said, we're basically doing elimination. What he did was approach magazine sellers and said, "all your Rammstein please" and this is the complicated result of all the effort and negotiations. Magazine sellers are hell, by the way. I've always known this. It was sort of the like gacha blind grab bag as we didn't know the R+ contents inside until arrival. I have to say, it was pretty good for doing it blind.
However, the magazines still had a lot of unknown interviews (one looks like Olli, one is Schnei, one Flake? based on the speech patterns, one Reesh, and some others I need to parse) and some photos that need higher quality versions anyway. So it was still very worth it all. I noticed that in the 90s, Paul was more prone to doing the TV based interviews than text. Ahti, being the good guy he is, sent me single Paul photos alone to look at. He knows what I'm all about.
We're getting the 1996 Hong Kong in high res, baby. Plus one solid 1997 one is being upgraded. Hell yeah. I also know I can do better than 850 pixels. I can likely get this thing to 1200px. There's a scattering of promo images and interviews I can scan. Which is way better a result than I thought I'd get. I really didn't foresee the HK images being in there. Two promo images here are also extremely uncommon in color.
I fell asleep listening to Rosenrot for five hours. I kept waking up on Te quiero puta because of the brass. Then I'd skip to Ein Lied and fall asleep...
Man was located a few days ago, so I felt much better. I had to crop the image to get rid of the other two. (Sorry Schneider.) Not even the first time Paul was around this guy (Yungblud).
Sophie found him again as well (leave it to her to do it). Check out her IG. She's who tracked him down to the twocolors show in November last year. She has a Black Beauty imitation and an arm tattoo like me. She's good 😊
He's fucking beautiful here. Yes, this was worth the wait.
I've had a cold/flu thing for at least a week. I feel unproductive. Still sick. (Now with vomiting.) Random archives #3 on the way. Plus four other extremely complicated posts. (One interview, a formal guitar list, and a special thing.) I have saved nostalgia old web graphics.
This Rosenrot 88x31 is cute.
I scanned in a 1997 image that is never in good quality from a magazine. I also filled in an unknown Ahoi tour image. You're welcome.
Normal girl shelf.
I made more tumblr gifs.
Obsessed with man, but from the side. Oh no. Lord, give me strength it's... 1997.
When I was 16, man in 1997 was pristine. Wow he's in his 30s? He's older and amazing.
When I was 30, man in 1997 is young. He's not older at all. The hell was I thinking? Dumb.Will someone please locate Paul in photograph format somewhere in a Berlin street or restaurant? I can't take this influx of getting my dreams crushed by Till_standing_26463.jpg being in my notifications. Send life support in .jpg format, please.
I had a productive two weeks completing a backlog of unfinished posts from many months back that were only ever fragments or jotted down. Three of those posts were all the way from January originally. I migrated my entire gallery to a sub-domain. I wasn't able to 1:1 transfer the databases. Whenever I tried, it would assign new URLs to images and scramble the metadata for them like my captions to be on the wrong photos due to URLs being changed. I was able to transfer the settings, albums, plugins, and layout etc though. I have to manually copy over captions to photos or albums. And the tags. A small price I guess.
A rant about search engines (click me)
Doing this has reminded me how bad search engines are with anything anymore. I used one German keyword (edition/issue) in an attempt to get EU results.
My exact parameters used: September 2004 ausgabe Zillo Rammstein
The things it showed me via Bing:
magazine sale listings from 2004 (GOOD)
Zillow.com rental houses (because 'Zillo' I guess) but totally off topic
houses for sale = 100% irrelevant
Zillo at German Wikipedia
2004 Rammstein tour dates in the EU (close, but no cigar)
2013 Zillo with Till via FB link to Affenknecht (nice try tho)
Zillo via German wiki again
Sonic Seducer from 2019 via IG about Till (trying...)
Rammsteintrade.com bootlegs of 1998 Zillo show being listed (ok, you tried)
1996 Youtube from 2023's digitalization of an unknown tape (trying!!)
Random Zillo eBay listings (good)
a useless SEO site with "albums in chronological order"
Rolling Stone from September 2004 with no relation (?????)
more Zillo eBay listings from random years (sort of good)
More Till for Sonic Seducer via FB this time
Zillo 2005 interview on eBay (closer!!)
More 1996 YouTube links to the bootleg
Zillo but this time English wiki
the German equivalent of SEO spam via Facebook (???????)
random 2004 and 1998 tour date pages of wiki-like origin
A GOOD FB of a collector documenting magazine contents.
And after I found this, I gave up in the tab.
After that, the listings search gave me were just endless 2004 concert or random RR/R wiki links. So then I tried Google instead of Bing and the results were generally 100% irrelevant but somehow infinitely worse.
Google gives me:
rammwiki.net biography page #1 (????????????)
2004 concerts rammwiki
shout.ru articles about the RR album
a fandom.com wiki link to the Amerika single
eBay of 2004 Zillo magazines (finally!!!!!!)
random WP site about RR
an IG link to wir.sehen.euch talking about Reise, Reise (yall don't know how bad this is and why this IG account is both a blessing and totally cursed)
Amerika's single on Discogs
the Wikipedia link to Live aus Berlin DVD (??????????????????????)
So I tried forcing Google to show me Zillo by changing my parameters to: September 2004 Rammstein "Zillo" ausgabe
Now my results are:
eBay of 2004 Zillo magazines (finally!!!!!!)
rammstein history page where 1996 Zillo show is mentioned
German wiki mentioning Zillo 1996
irrelevant link to The Cure articles on a fansite
SEO spam site that stole content from Rammwiki
a random Zillo 2004 listing for a band I can't recognize
Zillo listings on Kleinanzeigen (good!! yay)
Rammstein via Russia wiki
a German dissertation talking about Laibach (?????) that cites a Zillo magazine for source of something
some random German online magazine idk what this is
Lords of The Lost via fandom.com (?????????????)
a press article about a concert with Marilyn Manson and others in German (?????????????)
someone's German dissertation on culture that cites a Zillo magazine for source of something
and more and more irrelevant German text that references a Zillo magazine once lmao
Bing >>>>> Google. This is why I use Bing for 50% of searches and another indie search engine to supplement it. We used to clown on Bing in 2011 for being a joke, but Google is the joke now. I also checked Duckduckgo, and it shows extremely similar to Bing. But better because it directly showed all top results to buying Zillo magazines. Including the exact one I wanted (just already sold...) It also showed the same FB content and stuff about Till. It's like a slightly better filtered version of Bing.
I have noticed that the Bing results are clustered only to: IG, FB, eBay, Wiki places, YouTube, and a couple of rare domain sites independently. Namely long term Rammstein sites like I got the official site, rammsteinworld, rammtrade and rammwiki once.
Search results like this are utterly cooked. 70% of the links were trying to sell me something (including assuming Zillo means I want a house or rental). 30% were keyword-salad like because 2004 = Reise, Reise album it shows me random info and tour ideas from that album. Which is a decent attempt, but also SO unrelated to what I wanted. You just go in circles.
You know what I think a big part of the problem is? Everything useful is typed inside IG comment sections or somewhere on some FB post not being indexed. Or possibly in a Twitter reply. Those types of things rarely get shown. You get IG post captions, but not the comment section. Also, a HUGE plethora of information is locked in walled gardens on Discord that not a single search engine will ever touch or find. Additionally, many fansites and forums are not indexed or even functioning anymore so they're not crawled to show anything. Sometimes wiki-type fansites get combed if they're lucky or have high traffic. Forums appear to be punished and ignored in the search engines. Nothing from the ra-forum.com URL was shown despite huge amounts of posts there going back 10+ years with lots of keywords. Why are forums being discarded as useless results? They used to be top results. Not a single thing from Reddit or tumblr showed up either lol. Where people would be talking about magazines contents or quotes, buying them, etc which surely happened on forums, Reddit, or tumblr etc where actual humans talk to each other. I get links to Affenknecht on Facebook, but not the site's articles themselves or the actual URL of the site at all. It's filtering through FB!! Bad!
You will hardly find indie sites or people like myself out there. Everything is sterile wiki and regurgitation of SEO spam of the same things. Not fandom concepts. This is likely due to wanting to make AI stuff 'accurate' that it overly emphasizes wiki-type sites and not riddled with random people's opinions or incorrect memories. (eg forums or tumblr) You will never find meaning or decent human curated contents unless you use non-mainstream search engines.
Use Bing or DDG for your quick queries or something you think is easy to find. But if you're digging around for something more niche, stick to indie search engines out there. One of the main examples out there is "Marginalia". It also combs old sites that are still alive. Oldavista tries to comb old archived stuff on IA and lots of Geocities. Worth a shot sometimes if you think your query is suited for old sites. This is a part of how I did comb some sites lately for my oldweb Rammstein spotlight. Oldavista found some stuff and the rest was me checking links.htm pages and affiliate banners to other sites to hop around.
Sadly, I think I am the one (1) Rammstein weirdo in this sea of SEO noise. Band girls have not made their return to the indie web where we once flourished. I hope it happens eventually. We are still trapped clinging to tumblr. Or sitting and rotting on IG or Pinterest. I know there has to be more and more who dislike IG or tumblr but haven't yet discovered beginner friendly mediums like Neocities or having their own domain is actually very cheap. You can have static HTML hosted for like $30 a year plus the cost of the URL. That's it.
List of man's luxury watches.
1. Bell & Ross Aviation GMT
Because he likes to travel watch.
2. Omega Seamaster Ploprof
Because he likes to do water activities watch.
3. Breitling Navitimer
Because he can afford it watch. (No idea what the purpose is. It's just a nice classic luxury aviation watch.)
Yes, he owns like $30k in watches. (Probably way more total of every watch.) He actually wears very nice things regularly. Thank you for listening.
I was watching a YouTube video about Nintendo's console web browsers when...
This made me laugh way too hard.
I completed all my hotel photo research for the time being. What a fantasy voyeurism trip!
Whenever I appreciate gallery images from hotels, you'd never really manage to guess what weirdness they embody when you see them in motion of video format. It's that old expectation and reality meme. Really.
Russian hotel expectations:
Russian hotel reality:
It's always so awkward and zoo-like. Quiet and yet loud at the same time. I find footage like this morbidly surreal. I feel like I shouldn't look at it, yet I can't help but stare. He speaks some Russian (obviously) sometimes. He's remarkably patient and too nice about this for his own good lol. There's an ungodly amount of Paul at hotels images because he made it that way.
You do not understand. There's Paul fangirls... and then there's Russian Paul fangirls 🔥🙏✨🔥👌🔥 Two different leagues. He enjoys this absurdly fascinating status among Eastern Europeans. Just look at the 2010 videos. They waited all day just for him. Nobody else.
The most obscure hobby Paul has is when he mentioned briefly having an interest in RC helicopters. This has fallen to the fandom wayside to be forgotten lore and I wonder if he still is into it. Or if it was a phase... The interview it was mentioned in is from 2007. He also has a mini model of a BTTF Delorean in his house right now. It's hard times like these when I remember he's dad-core at his age lmfao help.
There's this one 2011 Spanish interview that people take screenshots out of context for. You have probably seen this passed around and just looking at it you're like... excuse me?
Actually, it's a meaningless gesture. He did it for an interview 'sign off' and awkwardly did this with his hands without thinking.
Here's the full context and he does it at the very end in the last 20 seconds.
Ahti sold me some of his post cards. I'm so happy with them!
I have been working on the gallery a lot behind the scenes the week before and yesterday. Including adding select sub-folders now to certain directories. 2007-14 has a M&G folder. 2018-2026 (probably) has an IG, official, and M&G folder now. 2003-06 has an official sub-folder. I've been combing ancient fansites and using the Wayback Machine. It's me and my obscure 500 pixel 2004-05 photos against the world now. Not gonna lie, I'm high key obsessed with 2004-05 specifically right now. I don't even know why. It just vibes. God.
Specifically, I'm really thinking about these two. Cannot explain why for the life of me.
Thinking about him in this era running around with black nail polish has me like this. God.
This is the funniest thing I have woke up to in weeks.
Yes, this is my last name. 100% facts.
This photo lives rent free in my mind sometimes. Can't explain the allure of blurry IG photos. They just are a mood.
Oh god, unreleased May 1997 Paul footage just dropped. A whole set. Prior to this, we only had 11 minutes of it from a misaligned tape. (Which I have very thoroughly enjoyed. Tyvm.)
I GOTTA GO FRAME BY FRAME. Show me him playing Heirate mich, right now now now. Now. NOW. I need to see him in DRSG in clearer condition too.
Rammstein management? Useless. ❌
Random festivals and bootleggers? Hell yeah baby. ✅
The fandom is doing exactly what I said we would do in my essay. Women are talking, gif-ing, screenshots, clips, and yelling about 'man doing a thing'. We are good marketing from hype and social media posting. Give us what to talk about and we will speak. We are good advertising on IG and tumblr if you give us things.
Stupid custom made chrome guitar with the stupid sticker layer things on it. I can see the creases and crinkles of the modifications, oml. What's he doing? He's just standing there. God.
I lost my mind in Heirate mich. The juxtaposition is hilarious omg; the editors did Reesh dirty with this one.
Reesh: I don't know how to make eye contact, no idea what to do with my face, I am stiff, robotic, and cannot look suave. Help.
Paul: I got this. Lemme demonstrate how it's done.
Paul is doing what he's is trying to do, but failing due to looking insecure. His eye contact, confidence, and vibe is like he has this 'no idea what I am doing' energy. He looks lost. Doe eyes. Like he'd rather be somewhere else. Guitarist stage comfort skill levels have been felt.
I'll likely write about this new video a lot more as I comb through it and gather thoughts about things within. I need time to intake things from it and feel it.
I spent like 900€ on Paul things because in early April I had such low emotional state... I forcibly spent too much money in order to feel better. I wanted to force my mind to be Paul centric to heal. Normally, I cannot do such a thing. But ever since December's long talk with the person I live with - they agreed to let me have this joint bank account and spend my own money freely. Except I had to make one agreement, that being, I needed to buy a bunch of responsible things first. So I did. I bought clothes in January along with hangers, socks, and two pairs of shoes, rabbit and beauty care things in February, a shelf, a lamp, and new rug in March. In December, I also contributed $300 to the heating bill. Before I bought all this R+ stuff, I asked myself "what else do I need?" and I didn't know anything important. The only thing I want next is maybe a desk and chair. But I am okay in the situation I have now using my dresser as a desk lol.
I bandaged it with Paul on purpose. I feel better now, a lot. Still some residual effects but it's so much better than it was. I definitely think by the 15th I was so much better inside at last.
You know you're deep in another language's exposure too much when I spent a solid minute struggling to pronounce ache in English while reading in my head. I said "ahck-e" and then I tried to mimic "asche" and realized that makes no sense immediately to understand... this is ache in English. I think I'm tired.
I fell off my bed and scraped my knee very horribly. Like rug burn. It's going to scar and scab so badly. The first day was hell. Day 2-4 was scabbing.
My body: I am repairing your harmed skin to heal with this nifty scab. I worked hard to make this so you don't scar as badly :)
Gorilla brain: PEEL IT OFF?
My body: That makes a worse scar... please don't :(
Gorilla brain: P E E L PEEL PEEL PELELEPELELE
I did not peel it...
I obtained new rabbit decor lol. Easter is the best time of the year for bunny things!!
I have a new domain!! I haven't even made a dent into the photos omg and I'm already at ~4,300. I haven't even began the folder for the stadium tour. Let alone truly touched the 2015-17 and 2018-present folder which should be way larger. I have mostly been camping out in the pre-2015 folders right now. Mainly because it's older photos that seem to lapse by people online today.
Shockingly, it went well. I sort of did this on a whim fit of annoyance. I considered this before once but thought it'd be too hard for me to learn. Sometime last year I thought about a domain but also thought... what else would I even use it for? Is this even worth it just to host files on NC? The first day was fine. Then I broke the PHP within 24 hours lol. Spent a whole day coping with fixing. I was looking at the documentation and it's totally possible to extensively CSS customize a specific theme at a later point. I don't need it to look a whole lot different than now, honestly. Only would like some spacing to be different.
This is my entire life for like three weeks. I am having that woman makes a playlist meme moment over and over with so many photos.
Me: oh this one is great. yeah. 10/10 photo of Paul.
Me: oh my goddddd this is SUCH a good one hell yeah
Me: NO NONNO this ONE this is the GOOD ONE forget the other ones. this one...
Me: We have PEAKED with this one. yeah this one is the best one!!
(repeat 1000 times for three hours)
I bought new clothes! I haven't been able to do that in a very very long time. It wasn't a whole lot but it was a vast improvement. I'm just glad the person I live with is being kind to me about money again. I'm quite shocked by this development this year. I modeled a few of them to make sure I liked everything and yeah I did. It was perfect and I did well with sizes. I usually was size 2 or 4 for most of it.
Rammshop order came in just before the holiday. I was surprised lol. I wasn't supposed to buy the scarf, but I bought the scarf...
I finally bothered to pick up the Live aus Berlin re-release. I dislike paying for something I already own, but this was for a good reason. I will write up a post about it eventually.
