Date: 02/09/2026

Mood: pleased

Listening to: IDGAF - Ikkimel

Forever Fifteen

Anyone who clicks this link and rages about it, didn't read. 100%. This is why I keep saying for the past couple years this fandom has finally reached illiteracy. You can't get anyone to read text posts properly. You can't get anyone to even read interviews anymore. If you can't read Paul's own words, you sure as hell have no capacity to read mine.

I'm very sorry I have to say this but all men have flaws and we try to hide this. It's not reality. The nicest, funniest man is an image he knows he puts on. That's his way of self-defense of his vulnerability and diffuses awkwardness of random people meeting a celebrity. He's a musician here to do a good job and entertain. Nothing less. He would never show random people and fans on the street anything else. He has no reason to do so.

You have to stop putting Paul on a pedestal of not having issues of his own. The entire fandom needs this. They really do. Doesn't matter what social media we're on, everyone has a lot of issues with Paul specifically on this subject. The root cause of it is always "cute" and "funny" somehow or another. This is why the Paul Discourse always comes down to emasculation at the end of the day. Because when you start typing a lot of adjectives that doesn't line up with it, it seems to make others uncomfortable or feel "shamed".

He's admitted to some of his shortcomings in time. He has called himself dependent, mentioned trust issues, critical, and knowingly bossy. Critical bossy comes overlapped with people who struggle with trust, as they are confident in themselves. Many of his colleagues describe him as someone with a deep sense of direction and motive. Flake often suggests Paul is really unique and on his own path in life that others don't quite get. Many of Paul's choices in life are anti-authority. You don't just act in a punk band in the DDR without knowing you're doing something with intent to piss others off. Many random opinions he holds about being German goes against the populace and makes other Germans mad on a regular basis. He constantly mentions wanting to do anything that others aren't doing.

He doesn't care what everyone is doing. A man like that is not an agreeable person, deep down. That is someone who is doing a lot of internal criticism and analysis. He seems to enjoy pushing boundaries and challenging others. And sometimes a person like that will go too far and need to be sorry at least a few times for saying something insensitive.

Schneider basically said that is why he didn't like Paul at first. He found him to be insensitive and in need of a social tact filter in his mid-20s. Sadly, I don't know how much that changed in time when Richard is saying in 2011 that Paul still talks like that. It seems to be private only though. As Paul shows a lot of restraint in interviews about some subjects. I think he was basically the Marge Simpson meme, "he's right, but he shouldn't say it." And sometimes along the path of life you learn to pick and choose your battles. I am sure he's learned to stop saying it even if he wants to. Pick and choose the argument carefully.

He is known for giving "unwanted advice", "talking too much about his ideas", and once jokingly said he would have been a "fortune teller" to give people advice. He wants to analyze stuff, talk about it excessively, and then tell you what to do out of a sense of confident direction. He is basically someone well suited to be a life coach. Especially because of his natural charisma and confidence would make others feel reassured to listen to him if they are doubting themselves.

Some of you may dislike these traits and want to ignore it. Some of us, ahem, find this hot as fuck. I completely understand that 90% of fanfiction and fanon is about ignoring canon. If you need to ignore Paul "canon" - then go ahead. But the rest of us in that 10% want to think about canon.

He is very complex and almost cryptic. Nice and charming man, yes. He knows when to be polite to fans too and is clearly very good at it. I've said similar before. That he's impeccable for his fan interactions. However, he is still human and he knows his own issues. You do not know him better than his band members and work colleagues like Emu or Hellner.

I told you the harsh truth you didn't want to hear,

He is capable of making people dislike him with his words like any human can manage. There is no universally agreeable person. You must accept a level of flaws and then ask yourself, "can I personally tolerate that? can I forgive mistakes in that context?"

You don't know him better than himself. If he admits he was overly mean to people in his life, who are you to challenge that? Accept his words as true, or move on from him.

Unless of course, what you're really telling me is; you haven't read texts and interviews regarding Paul and this was brand new information to you. So now you're lashing out in anger at me you look bad and don't like others showing you text sources that make you feel mistaken. The hardest pill to swallow is humbleness and saying "I was wrong" and then changing your mind to new ideas and information. That is how we grow as people.

I am talking about him using real band sources. You aren't. You're talking about him via emotional projection of what you think he is via gif format, stage antics, and smiling photos. That's what he wants you to buy into. That's the surface layer of the Paul fandom. Because his other fans have tread far deeper and been richly rewarded in how we communicate and bond over him in private. Would you be upset to learn popular fan accounts on IG share similar and overlapped beliefs as myself? Would it just make you go insane knowing that many real Paul fans have this view too? Are you done being disingenuous? Because respectable, dedicated Paul fans know this stuff already. You're the one who doesn't, or you love to pretend you don't.

Brig in 2020 says the same things. Because none of this is new Paul opinions. People have discoursed about this since at least 2011 era. It's stuff that has been discussed time and time again about Paul in fanon on many forums. Since 2015 era in my perspective, people have acted 90% civil about the discussion. In 2020, Brig was having discussions with people about "manliness" and "emasculation", for example.

You should not be stating your own headcanons about a Ken doll about him when having fandom discussions. Show up to the discussion with interviews and sources. You have no authority to say, "this is 100% wrong" or "total fanfic lol" if you show up with zero citations about interviews, band words, his own words, or anything. Show up with proof of why you feel and interpret that way, or don't say it.

If you say "nobody needs to justify anything or explain, it's not about winning or losing"; that is fine. I can agree! Because that is how I have approached it for many years myself.

But in that case, nobody else needs to justify any text posts or opinions to you either. It goes both ways. Pick one. Either everyone needs to justify and prove it with sources, or nobody does. You do not get both. Just one.

If you say, "well he's my comfort person blorbo thing and I need him a certain way"; that is fine. I can agree. That's your fanon wish fulfillment and I understand you. I hear you out on that. I know and it's why I often take a very neutral approach. You HAVE to understand our needs are not universal. I have extremely different comfort needs and wishes in him. I like his other traits a lot. Ones you don't enjoy.

We have differing emotional needs. That's okay. We're not all cut from the same life cloth of experiences. I don't want soft. I want who says it flat and tells me like it is what needs to be done. I need someone with a sense of direction. That's how he's described by his own colleagues. The guy who takes control of a mess and tries to fix or give the answers. It's why I like his stage persona character so much in my head. He just makes sense. And when my anxiety is getting better after a few hours, I can have my laugh of him doing something stupid at the end of the show. Feels good. I want someone who is very focused like that, sorry you don't.

If I was around him somehow, I would probably be pestering him everyday for his unwanted life advice and chattering that others find annoying. It's obvious to me I'm obsessed with his confident manner of speech and demeanor, not his humor. That's a fun bonus feature. I cannot imagine confident manners of speech in the facial expressions of someone who is being cute and relaxed. I like to imagine it comes from that stage persona guy and how he's looking and thinking in the moment.

We are not the same. You have to respect our nuances. I would never take away your comfort either. I keep saying you can have fanon Paul all you want to. You simply have to stop saying our sources we draw from like his stage persona and band interviews are irrelevant and impossible. I accept the spectrum of My Paul and Your Paul. I think it's good. We balance things out that way. However you cannot close your eyes and pretend five other men's comments about Paul do not exist because you personally hate thinking about him that way.

You are not giving him human nuance, nor room to grow as a man and person. You are not giving him a dynamic range of mistakes, corrections, and self-reflection. You're sticking your fingers in your ears because you don't like having your projection of Paul ruined by himself and his own colleagues. Rather than what he is. Flaws, mistakes, errors, issues, inconveniences, and wrongs included.

I never said my teenage mind who grew attached would make the wisest choices long-term. In many ways, I am still that naive 15 year old girl Paul fan inside. I am still a girl inside who doesn't understand men. Even if I tried to harden myself to feminist reality and crime statistics. Unfortunately, I am not the person who is obligated to solve it for us all. I am here to solve it for me in my own head. Good luck everyone else. Do what you need to do for yourself. I encourage everyone to find mental peace in it.

Because that 15 year old was the me who liked him the first time. That girl needed to grow with time, and I don't think she did. Even if the rest of me aged about basically every other subject in life and fandom. Inside, I'm still a naive little girl over him and even the person typing this to you now - I'm still her. She's me and she always will be.

I will always be eternally 15 over him and I cannot understand him any other way. I don't know how. There is a deeply naive me that is trapped like that very harshly even if the other part of me is screaming to stop. Many years have passed with him in my life. I'm still 15 over him. I still naively look at him as idealized. I know I'm pretending. But I don't care. I love this fantasy. I wish everyone made peace with their fantasy like me instead of running from it as scary and bad and totally doesn't apply to themselves. Every single one of us is applicable to it existing. You are no better than me. You're just in denial and need to better yourself than me because you're scared of being judged. I don't judge you though. I empathize with you but I think you're too hostile with me to know that.

If you want - you can still stay right there where you were forever and falsely believe one (1) man is never like any other man ever. The special man. We share this little lie and secret. It's okay. We don't have to defend our lie and claim him innocently the nicest man ever. You have to make peace with it being real. You need to say: I am lying and I love my lie. It makes this life bearable and thinking like this about a man doesn't "do" anything to anyone else. He is not harmed by this and has no idea. He doesn't give a single shit.

You will not take this away from me no matter how much you scream about it online. Thoughts inside your head are not "crimes". You are doing nothing wrong when you prioritize your self-esteem.

This is between me and him. He knows what he did and what fantasy he sells people. He's not stupid about everything. He is extremely self-aware of the Paul and Me fantasy and character roles. My own citations of himself proves he knows. He is not unaware about the minds of women and our special needs, both emotionally and sexually. None of them aren't aware. Like I told you the first time, I WILL take what the hell he gave me with gratitude. He apparently meant something by it, for the ladies, and knows what he did. Because the only thing I 'trust' about him is that he's not stupid.

Paul is simply too intelligent to not know how I think or talk about him. I am not ashamed to even have this conversation with him. I'd do it to his face if he wanted to. If he wanted to hear a fervent woman explain and flatter him on the subject, call me up. I'll talk his head off about it with 100 videos, 500 photos, and gifs and ideas. I will tell him every single thought I've ever had about it and more. I will tell him how much I respect and appreciate him. I will tell him that he gets me in a way no other male media has ever bothered to cater to me. I imagine when he was in his 30s, he likely wanted to hear this for five hours. Most men do.

I am living in total absolute insane cognitive denial every single day about him. You will never take that away from me no matter how much you kick and scream about "parasocial" you don't even understand the meaning of. Respectfully, I am saying to you - Paul doesn't give a shit about your whining about this. He wanted me to have this fantasy and he knows he did it. He knows the fantasy in my head he put there by suggestion - I find this so intimate to even have between strangers like this. That he could predict some of my ideas before I say them. He's too self-aware and intelligent to care about this type of tripe about a woman jerking off about him being a sexy dominant male on stage acting. Girl please, he intended to do that and make you see it that way. He's not ignorant to my female lust in any capacity and what I want emotionally. Good for him. Let us not play coy. I hate that game.

I'm the most satisfied and sexually gratified Paul fan on the Internet at this point. Only matched by my friend Ewa. I had a friend many years ago who said, "you have the sexual satisfaction level of a Till fan". And my god - it may be the most true strange compliment I've ever received. Everyone categorically knows what that statement means lmfao.

Everyone else sounds very repressed and ashamed to jerk off or sexualize him. Just saying the word dominant in a Paul context is like pulling teeth and everyone screeches through it like they're burned by lava. Even when he's begging for your attention to do it and showing off for you by intent. Dude is peacocking on stage for a career and all you do is sit on social media ignoring it to talk about literally anything else. Utterly in shambles afraid to use vocabulary words to describe him. It's so bad over him in this fandom, that every few years we have to have heart-to-heart conversations about "emasculation" and "manliness" like the clowns we are about this. It has been like 15 years of this Paul Discourse cycle. Never ending really. It's why I stopped involving myself and run the fansite instead.

Ewa is seemingly one of the very few women on tumblr who even make gifs of his choreography he does on stage for ladies. That's why she gained a huge following for the longest time. She provided the things nobody else was doing, or ever over the years. Or cared to curate for others but damn she's attracted to it like me. Finding gifs of Paul doing those things is really hard, actually. Especially from non-DVD sources. It's why she caught my attention in the Paul tag on tumblr as someone important. The reason I have mp4 cut clips on the ready to use, is because of a lack of gifs being made for many years.

Do you KNOW how hard it is to find gifs like this? Ewa is our savior. Stay pressed.

Me: it's 1am and I'm in bed. I would like to be horny about Paul Landers. tumblr, please help me.
tumblr: I can give you gif of Paul smiling and being cute on stage #8973429378
Me: please my fucking crops are so dry, you don't understand
tumblr: gay shipping gifs??? him being funny??
Me: noooo I need him the other way, you feel me?
tumblr: I can show you stuff from Engel or In Amerika you've seen 5,000 times. best I can do
Ewa: I'm on my way to save you, Bree. I got this.

I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality. I bring a female sexuality to the table other women can't handle. Too many of you are filled with shame of your needs and body. It shows. I have no problem expressing my hetero thoughts about this man.

If you're so allegedly "offended" by My Paul, go click my fanfic and then comment/DM to me your constructive reason why you think this is the most insanely egregious depiction of him that no other gay fanfic has ever done. Because it has been enlightening to watch everyone suffer in silence at knowing nothing offended them. Maybe some even (gasp) liked it but were socially scared to leave kudos. I wondered why my fic received crazy views in a short time...

People seem to only talk about Paul in a sexual connotation if it's shipping. Then suddenly oh my god, we're all body language experts and looking at his eye contact and blinking. And his glance to the left at Richard is totally bedroom eye fucking. So much sexual tensionnnnnnn now whenever Richard is two meters to the left of him. We suddenly have numerous things to say about his eye contact and expressions when you slap the word gay on it. Everything is so sexy, carnal, desire, and innuendo - look at him do ~things~. But gay.

Paul makes those expressions into a camera doing that for women unrelated to second guitar man across from him, and people are embarrassed to type about it. He does stuff with his persona and body and it gets ignored - because it's not directed at Richard. It becomes a barely acknowledged thing outside of niche moments. Half of it goes in non-gif format and ignored. Most of 2016-17 era remains neglected. Chunks of the Stadium tour suffers similar. You pretend it's about Richard and suddenly we have 100 words, 50 gifs, and 5 fics.

It's how sexuality of women is obstructed via a homoerotic filter sometimes in the most unnecessary ways. If Paul is shoving his face to Richard's in MHB while sharing a mic or they're staring at each other in Mein Teil - 100% please talk about that if you want. I get it!! But when this man is 5 meters away from him, sexually peacocking for women for attention - that is not the same thing. It's his own unique sexuality and meant between audience and guitarist. I am on my knees begging you to talk about that and make gifs.

Women online act like they express things about Paul sexually, but they really don't. The best they got is sitting on 1997 Engel's purple scene. Maybe if you're lucky, emojis or a reaction gif. It's all so shallow. Many seem to be afraid to type it out in-depth or use any real platitudes. Or talk about it or how they feel or perceive him. We're all so embarrassed, apparently. To use vocabulary. It's merely results in the most bare basic shallow mundane words. Or the same gifs of the same scenes. Ewa was the one making the gifs and commentary on stuff I had been begging people to talk about for years that feels neglected. A lot of it is also rooted in layers of ageism that many eras of Paul sexy attractive footage lie in obscurity ignored, but I am not about to unpack that demon. I have been begging for 2016-17 era gifs for years now. Ewa has been my only hope for them. Especially anyone who is in Stadium tour denial-ism acting like that era is "so different" than previous tours lmfao. Incorrect. You didn't watch two hours of concert footage. I can tell.

This is why my old friend really said I have the enjoyment level of the most catered to Till fan. Because I am enjoying myself really regularly. Without hurdles and a second man. Without any filters.

Ewa brings it too and it's why she'll type whatever she wants. Masculine, dominant, hot, sexy, intelligent, badass, intimidating, manly, and the scariest thing ever that sends women into a frenzy of shame and embarrassed upset: "alpha male". Ewa is out here typing the foreboden Paul phrases like she's uttering actual ancient curses once sealed in a mummy's tomb. Women on tumblr recoil in shameful fear at her utter power and boldness to talk about female based sexuality words and concepts without any gay filters. Utterly fascinating to watch people struggle with this dichotomy. Because if you just slap the gay filter on it in a kinky fanfic, everyone is okay with it and calms down immediately.

Too bad though. Because Paul said the same things. He described his stage persona as "fierce/stern", being "pissed off" enhances his performance, "aggressive", and "threatening". Which are synonyms to "intimidating" and "dominant". Stay pressed.

Who are you arguing with about vocabulary? Paul himself? Do you not know his own interviews and words about these things? Orrrrr.....

Whenever I think about Paul on stage, my mind plays Closer tbh. He is extremely familiar with NIN's music and wanted to be "in" NIN with Trent. Turn this song on when you scroll Ewa's Paul gifs. Good dramatic sexy vibes.

If you asked me to tell you what I think him on stage feels like musically, it's that. I've felt that way since I was 15. And that is exactly what he wanted me to feel and think anyway. This album came out in early 1994. Paul walked on stage to be a sexy fucker in Rammstein in 1994. Coincidence??? I think not. (Joking.)

He's trying so fucking hard for me. He wants my attention so bad. Yes. Please try harder. I want you to try so hard to court me. Do your little dances, show off masculinity, and poses in photos for me. Men were socially designed to court women. Not the other way around. It's why they're so crazy competitive minded. The gorillas and apes fight for the female's attention. You cannot erase evolution deep in us somewhere. They're designed to mentally do little rituals and displays of behaviors to make women pay attention. Paul does this by default in a way other men will never understand. I don't even know if he knows why he wants to do "all this" being socially engineered in him when performing. He probably perceives it as instinct to the music. And in many regards, it's true. Physical activity is a large part of old human ritual over this. Including dance and other physicality. You really should research the history of human courtship activity - humans are obsessed with physical feats. I think it's why our modern society is obsessed with sports. It is, indeed, why women like musicians and sports guys for eye candy reasons - they're doing physical things we're supposed to be judging and enjoying.

Say it directly, or piss off.

Sex always has been our problem. (pauses) I have the theory that sex is the motor for the whole world. In my opinion everything you see or do has a connection to sexuality. I tend to think that nobody would go to the discotheque if there would be no sex; or nobody would go into a club or to a restaurant – well, for eating, yes, but not after eleven in the evening - we won’t have any bars then. No bands would exist to make music. Why should I make music when there are no women in front of the stage? Three or four bands with only female musicians, nothing else.

Why should you never perform without women watching? Because your biology was coded for it socially. You are basically having the human peacock response, seriously. You especially have the impulse to do it more than others in this band do, Paul.

He is a natural born performer. Guy who wants to show off. Wants people to look. Especially women. He's got those genes built in to do this. And his comprehensive default understanding is to do this under the guise of stern, angry, "threatening" demeanor. Which other men view as cool and want to imitate, and women like me view as sexy protective dominant. That's literally what this is all about in humans. Women should look at it and perceive him as better than other men. This is also why in selective groups, women pick favorites in bands. We're hard wired to look at a suitor list and select one. The one with the best display of whatever the hell our modern brains think is a 'good display' anymore. This is evolutionary. What we want seems to vary wildly in celebrities because it's not genuinely about courtship anymore. Although we all know sexuality is the driving force behind it anyway.

Paul: displaying innate male biology instinct to attention seek from women
Me: displaying innate woman biology and need give him my rapt attention when he does that
Angry women: stop being parasocialllllllll
Translation: I'm sexually repressed and embarrassed

Please heal, babe. I'm begging you to heal your wounds. Your body and mind is designed to react like this to physical male displays of attention seeking behaviors. Especially physicality on this level of deeply overt unignorable sexual innuendo from a man who is doing way too much on stage any given moment. Stop fighting it as an evil thing to eradicate from your mind.

And the thing is? I perceive him accurately. I perceive what Paul does as not a threat to me. But as comforting and protective. It's men who should look a him and feel threatened. Not me. It's why my brain says: "unsafe??? anxiety? go look at him play music for a while." He thinks he's angry or stern. But I view it more like something comforting and extremely attractive. He, and many men, may never truly understand that part.

I don't want him to dominate or be scary to "me", you fool. I don't view these things as genuine """aggression""" and him trying to intimidate me or women. That is not what is being described and you're taking vocabulary too literal. Everyone is so disingenuous about this, I swear. I want him to scare other men away. I view all of this as protective. I don't think he's aggressive or intimidating to anyone like myself, that's not what this is about. I am the exception to whomever deals with those things. I want to hide behind him like a cowardly little girl because I'm afraid of the world we live in from pain women endure on a regular basis. I want other men the hell away from me. But this one? He's okay. My one (1) exception I pretend is the best one and only "good" one. This is a safe and healthy male fantasy.

I want to zip myself into his coat with him, and hide from other men. I think he's the best one to hide behind specifically.

I guess it's like I said to Ewa a few days ago: Paul is the limit of masculinity before I feel unsafe and freak out. Anything "worse" than his version of it is insufferable to me to even look at or be around. I don't like it.

The thing about masculine stereotypes we do not properly acknowledge is that men were meant to be our protectors. Safety and power. You choose that one, and you don't die and you get to recreate like the species should for long enough to make the child get to age 20+. Men were meant to scare, intimidate, threaten, and hurt each other. Not women. It is our modern patriarchy and sexism which twisted this against us where they're now the oppressors and hurt us. They should be only killing each other. Not women. They should be serving to protect me at every single cost on this planet, because without me and my sex - there will never be another man born again. Till's lyrics sometimes acknowledge these issues and it's why I loved this band - among many reasons. I have found many portrayals of femininity in R+ songs to be shockingly decent for a bunch of guys. It's a shame the legacy is what it is now from poor choices.

As I said before, it's not my burden to solve this all for us. You have to make peace with the world we live in in your own way and sexuality. If you need the 15 year old girl "lie" to cope, then so be it. If you need to live in fanfic denial Paul fanon, then so be it. However, I will never ever allow anyone to take My Paul away from me or claim it's all some fakery. Get educated on him for once and accept his humanity too while you're at it.

What I know is, I accept male stereotypes as neither good nor bad things anymore. I try to find the nuance in the middle and Paul is all I can "handle" without freaking out. His masculine traits make me feel better. I like his hobbies too showing elements. And his persona thing forces me to gain exposure for hours, for years. He brought me a lot of peace about this and fixed my wounds. I wish you could get that healing. He is the ideal male to me and what I used to get through the hardest parts of my life and feminine identity growing up. He has always been this background thing in my life for about half of it now. It does impact you after a while.

Godspeed to the rest of you and your own shame of yourself, sexual shame, your thoughts, your body, and your enjoyment of him. I wish you healing with your sexual repression issues. It's clear to me this fandom is extremely embarrassed to use certain words about Paul online. It's very bizarre why him specifically when I don't see any reasons why. Imagine being a Till fan and unable to talk about sexuality or having to politely ignore it to talk about how beautiful his eyes are all the time.

The thing is, I cannot for the life of me ever think Paul would 'want' women to be repressed. Because all of his own words about his stage persona indicate the opposite ideas. He has sat here for years saying, "we wanted women to look" and "everything is about sexuality or I wouldn't be in a band". And I'm like you suuuure do know everything you're doing, don't you.

I hate when female sexuality is ignored as a taboo. Nothing angers me more than denial and erasure of my sexuality about Paul. He doesn't care about saying it. I won't either. I love this role character thing he does. It's fascinating because it's his own creation. I'm not going to dig into the grit of this, but several things Richard did on stage - was him mimicking Paul who did it first before he stopped that and found his own 'way'. I'm so fascinated by him choosing these things for himself. It's not like anyone encouraged these archetypes or ideas on him. His media exposure in the DDR was also low so you cannot fully blame mimicry. He could do anything and in his early 30s his logic is this. Which he has hardly changed since despite so much time to shift it. He's so consistent.

Apparently, some of it is loosely based on being real according to his statements over the years. I love that blurry secrecy about it too. Very hot. Because my imagination kicks in trying to wonder how or what. The fantasy thrill of it all. The forbidden idea I will never know. It's also just outright fun. Lighten up, everyone.

He is not a "good" person. He's a human with a range of traits all over the spectrum. He is not here to make you happy with any choices in life. His only obligation in life is himself and his family. His only obligation is doing a job and fulfilling a contract. Truth. Don't like it? Move on.

Orrrrr, you can have any scrap of leniency with yourself as a woman to forgive yourself for seeking comfort in a male fantasy as if you're still 15 years old naive. Have you ever tried forgiveness and love? Do what you need to do in a world that caters nothing to you. Paul is okay with it through self-awareness. I'm not going to beat myself up mentally for miserable women online trapped with their own denial of their own emotional and sexual needs. Sorry.

To me, you sound like a woman who cares about a man over herself, diminishing yourself and stifling your own needs. Just so you can feel morally superior to other women whilst being actually miserable for it. No matter how much he doesn't care and admitted he is doing it for you. And has basically provided you with emotion/sexuality on a silver fucking platter begging you to take it from him in return for a 'little' paycheck. With all intelligence and nuance indicating he doesn't mind and is self-aware what he's doing every step of the way with women factored in.

Once again: thank you Paul. I will take what you have done for me in your career with gratitude instead of criticizing myself. Because I don't think you want me to criticize myself over something you keep giving me on purpose year after year.

I am a woman who cares about a man to make him care about me because I care about myself.